The Knowledge of Love (The Nememiah Chronicles Book 4) Read online

  “Charlotte, that isn't what we need to speak to you about,” Jerome announced, his gaze sharp. “Remember when we treated your wrist, I took another sample of your blood?” I nodded, rubbing a finger up and down the mug on the table and Jerome continued. “Lucas…” My eyes widened in alarm, startled by Lucas's name being spoken aloud and Jerome's expression softened, molding into compassion. “Lucas, Ben and I were attempting to produce a synthetic version of your blood.”

  “I remember.”

  Ben leaned forward, covering my hands with his and I felt the first twinges of alarm. What now? Was there something wrong with my blood? Did I have cancer? Was he going to tell me we had to halt the program because I was anemic? What the hell else could go wrong? It seemed as if I was spending my entire life stumbling from one catastrophe to the next disaster and I was sick of it. “What?” I finally blurted, looking from Ben to Jerome. “What's wrong with me?”

  Ben faltered for a couple of seconds, shutting his eyes and the furrow between his brows deepened. “There's no easy way of telling you this, Charlotte. It's going to come as a shock no matter how we do it.”

  I forced myself to breathe evenly, even as panic rippled through every nerve ending. “Maybe you should just tell me and get it over with.” My voice sounded far more stoic than I was feeling.

  Again Ben paused and Jerome huffed out a frustrated breath. “Oh, for God's sake, let me tell her. You'd never make a doctor.” He looked me squarely in the eyes. “Charlotte, you're pregnant.”

  My hand dropped to my stomach, unconsciously cradling my flat belly. “Pregnant?” I echoed softly.

  Ben nodded, squeezing my fingers lightly. “Jerome discovered it when he ran your bloods this morning. He's been running routine tests on your blood for some time, checking for anemia, making sure your cell counts were high enough. One of those routine tests is for pregnancy. Yours came up positive today, confirming you're pregnant.”

  I blinked rapidly, inhaling a sharp breath before the air whooshed slowly out between my lips. “The test? Could it be wrong?” Pregnant. Oh, God. I couldn't be pregnant. But you could, an inner voice reminded me. Lucas and I had indulged in unprotected sex. It was completely feasible, if not unprecedented.

  “I've confirmed it. Twice, in fact,” Jerome reassured me. “You're most definitely pregnant.” He sat back against the chair, waiting silently while I digested this bombshell.

  I shut my eyes, focusing on Lucas in my mind. He appeared before me, his eyes filled with mixed emotions – unbearable sadness combined with a light of incredible joy.

  “Did you know?” I asked, knowing the answer even before the words were uttered.

  “Yes, love. I knew from the moment I arrived here in the… afterlife, whatever you wish to call it.” He gazed at me, his blue eyes calm and composed. “I told you I'd left something to remind you of our love together.”

  “I thought you meant your ring!” I protested. “Not a baby! I can't do this on my own!”

  “I wish you didn't have to, my Charlotte. I've tried everything I can think of, but I can't find any way back to you.”

  Ben squeezed my fingers to regain my attention and I turned to him, eyes filled with tears as Lucas disappeared into the mist. “Ben, what am I going to do?” I pleaded anxiously.

  Jerome answered decisively. “The first thing you're going to do is eat something. It isn't good,” He glanced around, ensuring nobody was in earshot, “for the baby if you stop eating now. When did you last eat something substantial?”

  I shrugged faintly. “I don't know.” The past week was a blur, I'd been going through the motions each day without any thought or direction. While I continued to train with Nick and Epi, I was on automatic pilot and doing what was asked of me – nothing more, nothing less. Had I eaten dinner last night? Lunch yesterday? I couldn't answer the question.

  Jerome huffed a frustrated breath and Ben released my hands, picking up the untouched plate of food. “I'll be back in a minute.”

  Jerome hauled himself to his feet and patted my shoulder awkwardly. “I'll be at the hospital. Ben'll bring you over to see me later. You're going to be fine, Charlotte.” He limped away, waving to a couple of people and left me alone at the table.

  Pregnant. I swallowed nervously, my hand still resting against my belly. I couldn't begin to comprehend their announcement, couldn't imagine having a baby on my own, without Lucas here to share it. To bring a baby into the world, in my current situation, it was inconceivable. Now more than ever before, Nememiah's words filtered through my memory, filling me with a heavy sense of dread. Only one of us could survive, Archangelo or myself. How could I possibly fight against him when I had a new life growing inside me? Having a baby now was completely unthinkable. It would be impossible to continue in the role of Nememiah's Child while carrying a baby in my womb. How could I take that risk? What other choices did I have when so many people relied on me for their continued existence? I couldn't abandon them now, but I'd been placed in a position which was utterly impossible. As much as the idea appalled me…

  “Don't even think it, Charlotte.” Lucas's voice filtered through my mind, his tone brooking no argument.

  “I can't do it, Lucas. I can't have a baby now,” I whispered.

  “You are having a baby now, my love. My baby. Our baby. And I will do everything, everything in my power to protect you and our child from danger.”

  “How can you help?” Abruptly I was angry, furious with Lucas for leaving me alone to deal with this mess. I shouldn't even be considering having this baby in the current circumstances, it was so impractical it bordered on ridiculous. “In case you haven't noticed, you're gone! You left me!”

  “Charlotte, I would never have willingly left you.” The reproach in his voice was impossible to miss. “Please, I'm begging you. Don't destroy this miracle which even now is growing in your womb.”

  “I'm frightened, Lucas.” The anger was gone as quickly as it had built, leaving behind the gaping emptiness which had engulfed me in the past few days.

  “I know, my Charlotte.” He paused for a moment, and I wondered if he was searching for the right things to say. “I don't blame you in the slightest for being frightened, but I'll find a way to help you, my love. I will find a way; I give you my word.”

  “Charlotte, here. Eat something.” Ben reappeared and pushed a plate of fresh sandwiches in front of me before reclaiming his chair. He put a mug of coffee on the table and watched until I picked up a sandwich and bit into it obediently. For a few minutes he sat in silence, waiting until I'd finished eating before he spoke again. “I know this must be something of a shock.”

  “You could say that,” I agreed tersely.

  He leaned across the table, searching my eyes. “Does Lucas know?”

  “He knew before I did,” I admitted. “He's known since…” I couldn't finish the sentence.

  Ben watched me closely for a second or two. “I can only imagine how delighted he is. Many of us dream of fatherhood, despite it being an unobtainable goal. To have it given to him now must be bittersweet.” He patted my hand. “For both of you.”

  “I don't know what to do,” I admitted. “Ben… what should I do?”

  Ben shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “Charlotte, I can't possibly suggest what you should do. I have no experience to draw on in helping you reach a decision.” He eyed me cautiously, a frown creasing his forehead. “What I can tell you, is that fatherhood is something we vampires wish we could experience, yet know it is impossible. And I'll be honest with you, my opinions on the subject would be skewed. I was born centuries ago, in a time when infant mortality was incredibly high; to bring a healthy child into being by the grace of God was seen as a blessing.”

  Lifting the coffee mug, I sipped the hot liquid, giving myself a few moments to think. The idea of a pregnancy was still unbelievable and each time the word 'pregnant' ran through my mind, the same sense of disbelief hit again. Maybe I should take time to let
the news sink in before I made any decisions.

  “Charlotte…” Lucas's voice was full of emotion, but I shook my head minutely. I needed time to think this through, without extra pressure from anyone. With a snort of displeasure, Lucas spoke again. “Alright, my love. I will give you time to think without my input. I love you.”

  Ben was watching me carefully when I looked up. “Lucas?” he guessed.

  I nodded tearfully. “He wants me to have the baby.”

  “Of course.” Ben fiddled with a paper napkin on the table, folding it in half, then in half again. A vampire fidgeting was never a good sign and I waited patiently for him to speak. “Charlotte, to be honest, I don't think I'm the right person to help you with this. Perhaps Rowena…”

  I shook my head vehemently before sipping my coffee, trying to control my rioting emotions and get a grip. I needed to focus, calm myself and try to wrap my head around these new circumstances. I groaned out loud, shaking my head again, but with less vigor. “This has to be kept secret. You, Jerome and I are the only people who can know about the pregnancy,” I declared determinedly. “At least until I make up my mind.”

  Ben patted my hand again. “I can understand you're feeling that way,” he began softly, “but I've never kept a secret from Rowena and I'm afraid I can't start now. She will want to support you through this, Charlotte.”

  I licked my lips nervously. “All right, but nobody else,” I insisted.

  Ben's mouth lifted into a wry smile. “Unless you've become remarkably adept at guarding your thoughts, I'm afraid we have no way of keeping the news from Ripley. He has completely regained his ability.”

  I moaned, dropping my head into my hands gloomily. “This is impossible!”

  “Charlotte, you've had all of fifteen minutes to digest this news. Give yourself time to come to terms with it yourself, before you make any decisions regarding how to proceed. For now, let's take a walk to the hospital and meet Jerome. He'll be able to answer your questions and you can think about what you're going to do.”

  Chapter 5: Confessions

  It was a glorious day outside, with a soft breeze blowing across the courtyard as we made our way to the hospital. Ben spoke of inconsequential matters as we walked, but I barely listened. The clear blue sky was reflecting off the glass meeting hall, creating a mirror image which was really quite pretty and would have given me pause to admire - if only I could get my mind off the other, more pressing matters which were taking my whole attention.

  Jerome met us in a small room on the first floor, which he'd converted into an office for himself. It had the normal accoutrements of a Doctor's surgery, with a desk, a couple of chairs and a bookshelf to one side holding a multitude of medical volumes. Opposite the bookcase, an examination table was covered with a white sheet and Jerome waved his hand towards it. “I want to perform an ultrasound,” he announced. “Get up on the table and undo your jeans.”

  “Do you think there's something wrong?” I questioned sharply. The sheer power of maternal feelings which flooded my thoughts was stunning, and I knew in that instant that I could never harm this baby. Lucas's baby. Somehow, I would have to find a way of dealing with the situation, work through it and discover a way to protect the child growing inside me.

  “No, no,” Ben said soothingly, helping me onto the examination table. “But we have no parameters for this situation. Nothing to help us judge what's normal and what isn't for an angel who is pregnant to a vampire.”

  “How are you going to know what is normal?” I questioned anxiously, undoing the button of my jeans and releasing the zipper. “Is this safe for the baby?”

  “For Christ's sake, you need to relax,” Jerome grumbled. He picked up a piece of plastic which had a handle and looked kind of like a solid paintbrush. “It's perfectly normal to do an ultrasound, thousands of women have them every day. I'm checking the baby's health, obviously, but Ben's right - we don't know what will be normal in this situation. I need to see if you're progressing as a human pregnancy would, or if the pregnancy will be accelerated or decelerated in comparison. This'll be cold,” he warned, a split-second before he squirted cold gel across my lower belly.

  He lowered the paintbrush-like instrument and wiped it across my skin, watching a small television screen which was sitting on a table. I couldn't make heads nor tails of what he was looking at, but he and Ben watched the screen avidly and occasionally Jerome pressed a button on the small keyboard by his side taking some sort of measurement.

  “All done,” Jerome announced, removing the probe from my abdomen and wiping the jelly-like substance from my skin. “Everything looks absolutely perfect.”

  “The baby's okay?”

  “Perfect. There are no abnormalities, absolutely nothing deviating from a typically human pregnancy at this stage. Based on the measurements, I'd estimate you're about four weeks along.”

  I did some rapid calculations. “I must have fallen pregnant…” Blushing furiously, I lowered my gaze to the floor.

  “Probably the very first time you and Lucas made love, I would imagine,” Ben offered, with a quirk of his lips the only outward sign of his amusement.

  “Seems we should have considered contraception before the event, rather than after,” Jerome announced dryly.

  I pulled my sweater down over my belly, marveling that there could be a baby in there. Jumping down from the exam table I adjusted my jeans, pulling up the zipper and fastening the button before I met Jerome's eyes again. “So what happens now?”

  Ben grinned, his brown eyes filled with unconcealed relief as he realized I'd decided to keep the baby.

  Jerome was washing his hands. “We keep you and your baby healthy. You keep worry to a minimum, get plenty of rest and I'll provide you with pre-natal vitamins. We'll figure out the rest as we go along.”

  I rolled my eyes cynically. “You make it sound so easy.”

  “I wish it was easy, Charlotte. But we both know it's not.” Jerome rested his hands on my shoulders, looking down into my eyes. “If anyone can cope with this, it's you. I know you're frightened and I know you're grieving. But you can do this, I have the utmost faith in you.”

  Ben cupped my cheek against his palm. “Go home and think it over for a little while. You'll no doubt have questions you'd like answered once you've had time to process the news.”

  “Good idea. Take the day off and get used to the idea of impending motherhood,” Jerome agreed with a wry grin.

  “Epi's expecting me.”

  “I'll deal with Epi,” Ben assured me. “I'll tell him we have some blood work to do. He's chomping at the bit to have more people to use the weapons – he'll accept that argument.”

  I reached up to throw my arms impulsively around Ben's neck, hugging him close as I kissed his cheek. “Thank you,” I whispered quietly against his ear.

  “Charlotte, you know we all love you dearly. We will do anything we can to help you through this. All of us will support you and assist in any way we can,” Ben reminded me softly.

  I released my grip on Ben's neck and slipped out the door, stopping outside to get my bearings. I'd scarcely noticed our route coming in and I turned in what I thought was the direction of the front door, my mind still reeling. Pregnant. Pregnant and alone. And fighting a war I had serious doubts we could win.

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I leaned against the wall for a minute while I gathered my scattered thoughts.

  “Charlotte, honey, what are you doing here?” Nonny trotted up the hallway, carrying a plate of cake. She was wearing her usual vibrant attire; today's ensemble was a bright orange skirt teamed with a crisp white t-shirt. “Have you come to see Conal?”

  “Um… yeah. I wasn't sure what room he's in.” Seeing Conal was the very last thing I wanted to do, but I was cornered like a rat in a room full of traps, unable to tell Nonny the true reasons for being at the hospital.

  “Come, mi pequeño ángel. I'll show you where his room is.” She gripped the plate in one hand and
linked her arm through mine, pulling me along at a pace which defied her advanced years. “He'll be thrilled to see you!”

  Thrilled was not the reaction I expected, but I didn't like to appraise Nonny of my concerns. I'd worried for days about this, certain Conal would be blaming me for his injuries. He'd been attempting the exact same thing as Lucas – trying to rescue me from my own stupidity. It was my fault he was in here.

  Not your fault, you idiot. You didn't stab him, Archangelo did. My brain reminded me once again of Archangelo's role, but it wasn't helping to overcome the guilt.

  Nonny led me upstairs to the second floor and we walked along a bright corridor, stopping at a door on the left. Nonny pushed the door open and walked inside, dragging me behind her. “Hey Conal, look who I found in the hall,” she announced cheerfully. Nonny released my arm and bustled across the room, leaning over to kiss her grandson's cheek. “I can only stay a minute, got to get back to deal with the lunches. I've brought your favorite, chocolate mud cake.”

  Conal's eyes never left mine as Nonny bustled about, plumping his pillows and straightening the blankets. I tried to distinguish the emotion in his eyes, but I was so emotionally overloaded, I couldn't comprehend it. His skin was a little paler than normal, his jaw covered with dark stubble from a week without shaving. The bedcovers were drawn over his hips and scattered across his broad chest were the scars from wounds Archangelo had inflicted.

  Nonny glanced from Conal to me and grinned, her black eyes twinkling with mischief. “Alrighty then, I'll get back to work. Charlotte, when you've finished here you come on back to the mess. I've got the ladies making fajitas for lunch. I'll save you some.”

  “Okay, Nonny.” I smiled faintly, watching as the older woman sped out through the door, closing it soundlessly behind her.

  “Hi, Sugar.” Conal greeted me huskily; pulling himself up in the bed a grimace crossed his features.